Happy to be Angry?

I don't really know how this happened, but I deeply, truly believe that in order to live life and be happy and successful and content, one must experience as much as the world has to offer as possible. I do have morals though, you know, treat others the way you'd like to be treated and the freedom to live life as you please as long as you are not causing harm to yourself or others. That means I won't ever try things that will compromise my morals. But I will try everything else so that I can experience joy, accomplishment, hope, excitement, luck, love, friendship, success, pleasure, change, discomfort, boredom, passion, confidence, etc. But that also includes negative experiences that elicit fear, sadness, anger, frustration, failure, worry, loneliness, misfortune, etc. Sometimes, I get frustrated that I'm not living enough, that I won't succeed in life, because I've yet to fail, yet to fall into a ditch, or deep dark tunnel, yet to do anything really difficult. I know I should never wish misfortune on myself. And I don't. I just would happily embrace it if it came my way. Sometimes, you have to look for it, to step out of you comfort zone. Sometimes you have to suffer, and it will be by choice.

And when I do experience something unfortunate, I feel happy. You can see easily how with that mindset, that all experiences are valuable, it's kind of difficult to truly feel upset for long. You kind of always smile. And when you don't smile, you just have to remember that it's part of life and once you realize that, you smile knowing you are living. It's similar to how Giselle from Disney's Enchanted reacts when she gets angry. She's genuinely angry, frustrated. But the fact that she's just experienced anger makes her happy. That's kind of how I feel. I can have an awful day, but I feel good knowing that I had an awful day. That it's part of life. That I lived.

Here's the Giselle angry/happy scene, if you are unfaimilar with it:

I think in that way, feeling happy about misfortune, I can somewhat relate, but not really, to people who inflict pain on themselves. It feels good to know that you are living and experiencing emotions. But hurting yourself is never something you should do. Although, I do admit that in high school, I once scratched "EMO" onto my wrist purely out of curiosity, I was not depressed or sad or angry or self-destructive. I was just odd. For me, it was an experience, it was fun. Of course, I didn't understand why I wanted to do that at that time. But I do now, it's just me wanting to experience things. I understand that hurting oneself is a serious matter and I don't take that lightly at all.

It's very carefree to live like this. You don't truly get angry or stressed or hung over things, which can do great things for your mind. But at the same time, you can also see how this can backfire, how you can start feeling indifferent to things you shouldn't. That you really should be affected by the pressure and fear of failure. What saves me from never-ending indifference toward life when I do start to feel rather indifferent is my ambition be great. Great people do not fail often and are not indifferent. So I won't fail at something I can succeed at. I will not welcome failure.

This post is kind of offbeat and unusual and I didn't do a great job articulating my thoughts, but its the best I can tonight. I will end this post with one of my most favorite compliments I ever received. A most amazing and caring woman once said to me that "Scientists should work on finding a way to bottle [my] enthusiasm and zest for life!" And I like to think it's true that I have a zest for life. I want it to be true. =]

Touch the Sky

Touch the Sky from Pixar's Brave. Music by Alex Mandel, Lyrics by Mark Andrews & Alex Mandel, and Performed by Julie Fowlis.

I think I decided I liked this movie well before I even watched it. The scenery and animation is just too pretty and epic! So it didn't matter if the plot fell flat at times. Tonight's the kind of night where all I want to do is watch pretty animation of adventure and wish I was on an adventure.

Update: I found a really nice live version of this song performed by Julie Fowlis. It's good. Check it out! I really like the second verse of this song:

"Where dark woods hide secrets,

And Mountains are fierce and bold,

Deep waters hold reflections

of times lost long ago.

I will hear their every story,

Take hold of my own dream,

Be as strong as the seas are stormy,

And proud as an eagle's scream"

First Snowfall of the Season

Today marks the first snowfall of the season and an early winter. It's been a quiet storm – it's still going on now. I have to admit I like when it snows at night. It's peaceful to watch. I like seeing everything get blanketed by fresh snow – maybe it's because I don't have a car to clean. And I like the contrast between the white snow and the dark sky. When I was younger, I use to watch the snowfall from my window at night. I would leave my window cracked, because I like breathing in the crisp, cold air of winter, but not cracked wide enough to make the room cold. It's so easy to appreciate snow, when you are warm and comfy indoors. I am thankful. So often though, snow in New England isn't remembered too fondly. But I don't think I could live somewhere where it doesn't snow. I like the change it brings; it's refreshing. I really enjoy having four seasons.

View from my window.

One day, I will check out Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater in the Winter – and in the Spring, Summer, and Fall. It looks so majestic frozen over. Of course it looks marvelous all year round. This is one of my favorite pieces of architecture – I once made a model of it in high school out of basic art supplies. But during the winter, it just has an extra zing to it. It looks like the perfect place to sit by a slightly cracked window and watch the snow.

Fallingwater frozen over.

I've also been listening to a lot of David Choi. I think it has to do with the fact that I went to his and Clara C's concert last week. Here take a listen: I like Lucky Guy and By My Side. And of course Darling It's You, a duet with Clara C. (I've linked to live versions I've found on youtube because he's great live. They're all Boston performances. I didn't go to that specific concert I linked where he performed Lucky Guy, but I did go to the one where he performed By My Side. And the Darling It's You performance was from the concert I just recently attended.)

NaNoWriMo!!

Hi everyone! I know, I am failing at blogging. I really do not know why. But I'm writing now to let the world know that I will be doing NaNoWriMo this year!! Click here if you don't know what Nano is. It's basically a crazy, intense challenge, where you aim to write 50,000 words in one month. Sounds easy? But not really. If you want to join, you will need to get started now. Nano is already in full swing! Alas, I am a little behind. But I will catch up today and hopefully get ahead. I need to get ahead. There is a week in November where I have three midterms in three days. So I know writing will be difficult during that time. But I am excited. I am really hoping this year will be the year I win it. Here's to turning off our inner editors and cranking out as many words we possibly can. It won't be pretty or coherent, but it'll be words. So, join me on this adventure!

(The colors of these NaNoWriMo badges go really well with my blog theme.)