Emily Lam

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Thursday, February 02, 2012

Moving Forward

I'm not a rain person. I don't particularly like getting partially wet and dirty. But I do like listening to rain. There was no rain in Boston today, however, nor do I want it. So I made my own rain sounds. You know by taking a shower: when you cover your ears in the shower, the shower of water droplets suddenly sound like a heavy rainstorm, and when you put your fingers in your ear, it sounds like a light shower. (Why? I'm not exactly sure. I should google it.) The sound oddly enough reminds me more of a rainstick than actual rain. Just the way it sounds, I guess, and what I associate it with. And suddenly I'm flooded with memories of my elementary school days when we would play with the rainstick in music class.

Just in case you didn't know what a rainstick was.

But no, rain is not the point of this blog post. The point of this post is moving forward. I am so comfortable with my life right now, and I know it. My education, housing, and dining are paid for by the university, my parents, me, and loans. I have pretty good professors this semester, so I'm learning. I am a grader, so I have a job and am making money. And I spend money and enjoy life. I live in the college bubble. It's all very fortunate. But I'm getting restless. But at the same time, I don't want to leave my comfort zone. I'm very hesitant right now about getting a research position or internship. I attended the Electrical and Computer Engineering Job Fair the other day because it was the ambitious thing to do. And I'm an ambitious person: I want to be a Disney Imagineer. But I was so overwhelmed, these research projects are real projects at the forefront of technology. I was impressed. But I was also conflicted. I wasn't completely there. The fair made me realize I was on the verge of the real world. So I didn't interact with the professors or put myself out there, on the market per se, as much as I should have for fear of the very, very slim possibility of entering the real world. But then again, I very much do want a research position, an opportunity to experience and contribute to innovation. I want and need to move on with my life, enter the real world. I ended up talking to only three professors. The three I was most interested in. There is also a Career Fair coming up next week that I will probably just scope out but not actually engage in. Another cause of hesitancy is that I really love working at Design Camp with kids, and if they would have me back, I would no doubt want to take it. But again, it's comfort. I can't be a camp teacher forever if I want to go into the industry. I need to move on. (The ideal would be to research or intern AND teach at Design Camp. But life isn't perfect.)

So, I took a long shower today because I just couldn't handle myself. Maybe I'm immature, but the slim possibility that I may entering the real world soon scares me. I needed to take a long shower and listen to rain because that's where I relax and think best – if by some miracle I won a noble prize or some equilivaent, the prize winning idea will probably have been conceived in the shower. I needed the shower to mull my life over and come to the conclusion that I can resist growing up, but I must move on in life.

On another note: I found this article I was mentioned in on the University of Massachusetts news site: an article about the Future Engineer's Center (FEC). I was interviewed a while ago, and forgot about it until today. So I just googled it and there it was.

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