Emily Lam

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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Almost Everything

[I'm not a writer. But I am an imaginer with a wicked imagination. And sometimes I can't help but jot down some of the random stories that cross my mind. And often, I will forget about these stories. The stories at the forefront of my mind are usually the grand epic adventures, the escapist ones. But looking through my files on my computer this morning, I came across this very short story and I like it. I don't remember ever writing this story so for all I know I could have copied and pasted it from the internet. But that's unlikely. From the date of the file creation, this story was also probably the first thing I wrote on this laptop, precollege. All my other stories from my last laptop are on a flash drive. So from the mind of emily on August 14th, 2010: "Almost Everything."]

Kurt read the tombstone one last time before walking toward his family: R.I.P. Elaine Guardfield 1915 – 2010.

"Father, tell them the story of Lily, Lily White." Katrina said to her father.

Kurt nodded in agreement.

"Lily White or White Lily as she later became known was a very dear friend of mine. She was an orphan. And by some miraculous fate, she was adopted into a military family at the same base my father was stationed. We basically grew up together since I was an only child and she was the first companion I had that was the same age as me. We fought invisible pirates together, attended school together, survived the awkward teenage years together, and when we were of age, joined the army together. She was very intelligent, the smartest person I knew, and advanced quickly, becoming one of the militaries best nurses in a span of two years. I, on the other hand, advanced very slowly. But even when I failed to run the laps as fast as the rest of the men and shot bullets with awful aim, she supported my efforts in one day becoming a lieutenant. She even whipped some sense into me and convinced a then chicken me to ask Elaine out. And then one day, after I had become a successful lieutenant, after I married Elaine, but before your mother was born . . .

There was a knock on the door.

I remember the day clearly. Elaine had peered out the window to see a man in uniform and mumbled, 'What does the military want with you. You're on your vacation, honeymoon.'
I shrugged, and walked to open the door. 'Admiral,' I saluted with complete military bearing.
'Lieutenant Guardfield,' the Admiral said, returning the salute. 'A fellow officer has died in battle yesterday and left all her possession to you.'
'Sir, are you sure?' I had said dumbfounded, who would leave me all her possessions?
'Yes sir,' the Admiral pulled out a will, 'Lily White has left you everything that was hers.'
I was speechless. I couldn't believe his words. Lily White. I never expected Lily to die before me. She was the one who was always there. I remember completely losing my military bearing and not being able to talk. I crumbled into myself. Thank goodness for Elaine, she continued the conversation with the Admiral."

"Gramps, you loved her."  Vanessa said in awe. "Didn't you?"
Kurt chuckled to himself in a deep low hearty laugh and blinked away his tears. "You're Gram said something similar."
"Well!" Jeffery demanded, "Did you?"
Noah didn't say anything but Kurt could tell his eldest grandson was just as interested in his answer. His daughter, accompanied by her husband, walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Go on," she whispered.
Kurt closed his eyes and held back tears as he recalled his conversation with his then newlywed wife.

'You love her, don't you?' Elaine asked with a tinge of jealously.
'I don't know,' I admitted, lifting my head from her shoulder, blotting tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt. 'I don't think I do. I feel so overwhelmed, Elaine. I loved my parents. And when they died, I cried, but I didn't feel like this. And I've seen men and women I've come to respect and befriend die in war but again I didn't feel the way as I do now. It's like I've lost a part of me, like a part of me has died. I loved her like I loved myself." I laughed, a meek forced laugh. "The irony that is life. Lily left me everything that was hers and I feel as though everything of me has been lost. No, not everything. Almost everything, I still have you.'

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Rambled Jumble


It's Christmas Eve! That means Christmas is less than twenty-four hours away. Oh my, that means the new year is in a week plus some minutes. =O I fell asleep during this post and well, it's now Christmas and the new year is indeed in seven days. Wow! Time really flew by these last couple of weeks of 2011. Having had finals up until the 21st, I really haven't had time to think about the holidays until the break. And well, Christmas crept up on me!

I'm drawing a blank. My brain is still fried from finals. Ironically, despite this semester being the semester I've felt I've learned the most, I've earned the lowest grades of my university career. It's funny how the world works. Next semester will be even tougher: 1 hard science course, two math courses, and two engineering courses – I've decided not to take a non-engineering related course. So we'll see how I come out of next semester.

Major-wise, I'm still torn between electrical engineering and mechanical engineering. It's problematic since I need to decide by the end of next semester. Well, I could always change afterwards. But I rather not and I really do need to make a decision. Next semester, I think I'm going to start a tally of what my guts tells me I should major in as my roommate suggested.

Also, there are a couple changes I want to slowly implement on my blog. First, I'm going to change my blog url. I think it's time to shed my founded in middle school username and usher in a new and more mature, formal name: lamemily. Well, that's if you read it lam emily and not lame-mily. ; ]  Never mind, that url was not available. The other changes I'll post about them when and if I implement them.

(This is just some rambled jumble to get back into the blogging mood. Bleh, a good portion of it is crossed out.)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Quirks, Likes, Flaws, and All Things Unique

I've been thinking about what makes me me or you you. It's a hard question and I don't really have an answer.

First, I'm human. But you're also human, I think. So what makes us different? Are we different? Why do some of us strive to be unique while the rest of us strive to be similar? The reason is because we think different, right? Why? (I know, I sound like an naive, inquisitive kid.)

Physically, we are a lot similar than we are different. We're just different sizes, like similar triangles – did I really just make a math reference? Our chemical make up is pretty similar. There's this fact scientists toss around about how all human DNA is 99% the same or something like that? I'm no good at biology. But the point is that we are pretty similar. So what makes us different?

Our likes? Quirks? Philosophy? Flaws? Experiences? Personality?

Is personality constant?

I don't really have an answer for all the questions I've posed. But here are some thoughts going through my head somewhat related to those questions.

Over Thanksgiving break, I went shopping at the generic mall. And it hit me hard like a brick that I didn't like the same things I used to. Things I used to want to buy, I didn't want. Actually, I didn't really want anything at the mall. It was a rather empty feeling, not knowing what I liked anymore. So that poses two conclusions: I've either changed or my previous self was a lie. And I think it's a combination. I think my younger self strived more to fit in with society than my current self. And because of that some of my likes weren't really my own inception. But then again, video games was something I used to genuinely enjoy and now I find it terribly sad that I don't play. It's a realization: I've changed. This leads me to believe that yes, our likes do determine to some degree who we are. But again, not all Harry Potter fans are alike or all people who like the color yellow.

And then there are the little quirks of an individual. It's only been recent that I've consciously recognized my quirks. I can't seem to recall one but I certainly have quirks. I just forget them almost instantaneously after I've recognized them, that is until that quirk shows up again. (I just rested my head on my pillow and realized that one of my quirks is that I vary my sleeping orientation, i.e. my head is sometimes at the "post" of my bed and other times at the "end" of my bed. I've known this one for awhile but see, it's a prime example of me forgetting until the quirk shows up again.)

People I admire. Why do I admire then? I'm fascinated by Angelina Jolie. But I'm not fascinated by all actresses. Actually, there aren't many actress similar to her. And that's why I admire her. She's different. Of course all I know of her is from interviews and wikipedia. This post really isn't about why I like Angelina Jolie, so I won't go further into it. But I bring up Angelina Jolie because the primary reason I admire Angelina Jolie is because she took life into her own hand. She realized she was self-destructive and that it wasn't good for her. She rose from her flaws. To be able to take control of your life, I admire that trait. So her flaws somewhat define her, definitely her experiences. Yes, she's no longer the same person, but they make her different. And that I believe also defines a person.

I don't think I'm making any sense anymore . . .

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Blog Update


It's the end of the semester and everyone's stressed! It's awful. What a terrible way to end the semester. Stressed and everything. I'm putting Christmas/Holiday music on. That seems to always calm me.

It's been a while since I've blogged. I was planning a more thoughtful post but I really just need to blog so I'm just going to do just that.

Um, hmm, I changed the layout to my blog slightly. I don't think you've noticed but I got rid of the categories and added five random posts to the right margin. It was always difficult for me to just categorize my posts. And it makes so much more sense to just use the search function. And when it comes to labeling, all that matters is the labels below, where anybody can label it.

BLAH BLAH BLAH. I'm not really cohesive right now. I'm also thinking in triples! I think I'm going to pull a late night tonight. I don't really have anything really important tomorrow that needs attention until later in the day, and I'll be awake by then.

I'm doing Facebook friday again. I don't know if I mentioned that last year, but it's when me and my good friend, my roommate, gave up Facebook except for fridays. Hence, Facebook friday. Last year, we just trusted ourselves not to go on. This year, we changed each other's password. It's terrible how reliant we are on Facebook. I applaud people who don't use Facebook – they do exist, I know one or two.

Well, I'm going to shower and then do some work.

What a pointless post.

My roommate did a fantastic job making our room ready for the holidays. Here's a pic of some of the lights. There's a lot of it. It goes all around our room.