Emily Lam

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Friday, October 19, 2012

Needing Some Change

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand, to have someone understand, I want so much more than they've got planned." -- Belle Reprise from Beauty and the Beast by the wonderful Alan Menken and Howard Ashman

Not exactly how I feel but close. I'm restless, still, very restless. But I'm busy; I have so much to do, but it feels like something is missing. Change, that is. Some people don't like change, but I thrive off change, spontaneity, adventure. Alas, I haven't been getting much of that lately. I kind of just do the same exact things, every week. I like what I do though, but I just need variety. I could never be a hobbit. I want so much to just go out and explore. But everyone I normally hang out with is busy. It's not their fault. We're in college. We're suppose to study. We're suppose to be actively working toward our careers. We're suppose to be tired. We're suppose to be busy. So it's definitely me. My priorities aren't right. Because of that, I feel kind of lonely. I just feel different. Like I don't fit in. I don't study with my friends because I'm super unproductive when I'm studying in groups. So I feel like everyone must think I've become unfriendly, a mean being. My interests are also different than most of my peers, so I haven't really converse much past small talk. But don't get me wrong, my friends are great! I've just been a little too introverted: hanging out with myself. So it's probably my own fault.

Ugh, it is so hard to explain what I'm feeling right now. I'll leave you with a picture I took tonight:

I tried my best to take a nice low light photo. But there's only so much I can do with an iPhone camera.

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