Emily Lam

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Sunday, September 08, 2013

BINGO, Fall, and Time

There's this event at my university called "Not Your Grandma's Bingo." I might've mentioned it before in a post from freshmen year. But yeah, it just bingo with some awesome prizes. My floor went when I was a freshman; it was a fun time, a bonding time. And every year after, I attend it hoping that maybe this time around I'll win something -- I'm not really a lucky person when it comes to things like bingo.

This year, I didn't win either -- no surprise. But this year, it felt really different. And it's not that everyone there was a freshmen, no, in fact, I think it was evenly split among the four years. It's something else, a very different feeling.

It's not just the bingo event. It's everything, being on campus feels different. I don't have the urge to hide in my secret outdoor hiding spots. Or sit on the BU Beach/Marsh Plaza like I use to. I don't even feel like hiding on the top floors of photonics. Everything is familiar, but different.

Fall is also nearing. And it certainly feels that way, except my brain isn't there. My brain doesn't seem to want to learn at the moment. And it doesn't seem to want to tell my body to enjoy the weather, which has been gorgeous. I want to do so much this fall, and I think I am unconsciously overwhelmed. To which, I think my body is reacting by being indifferent.

My sense of time is also really screwed up right now. I don't feel productive; I'm late to things I'm not normally late to. But I have to remember, it's only been a week of classes. Actually, less than half a week of classes. But I feel like I have been here for a while. I think it has to do with the fact that I have several decisions to make this year that I've put off for a long while.

Maybe, I'm just not eating right. Maybe, I've just been interacting too much. Maybe, I don't know.

I don't feel much like myself. I feel different. Freshmen year felt one way. Sophomore and Junior year felt another. And Senior year is starting off weird. I need to just go sit in the sun and keep to myself or something.

(Ahh, I really don't know what I want to say in this post. So I'll just end it.)

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