Emily Lam

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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I've Lost It, Whatever It Is.

"It, where are you? I can't find you. Please reveal yourself to me."

I know what you're thinking: I've lost It. Well, you're right. I've lost It. I don't know where It has gone. Sometimes, you see me stumbling in the wrong direction and you wonder. Well, that's because I've lost It. Maybe It went the wrong way and if I never go the wrong way, I'll never find It. I mean It is not in my normal path because I would have found It already if It was there. Or maybe not. Maybe, It is just waiting for me at the end of the path. Okay, you've caught me. I don't stumble directionless because I'm looking for It. Actually, I'm just really lost. It has led me on a wild goose chase. And, I don't know where I am. I know where I want to be. I want to be where It is. So I can grasp It and not have to worry about It anymore.

So, I've lost It. It's current location is unknown to me. But, I need to find It. Wait a second, I don't think I ever had It in the first place. But I know It exist. It taunts me. And I've seen other people with It. And sometimes, rarely though, I am so close to It that my fingers wrap around It. But It always manages to escape and hide from me. I know where It will eventually be. It will be in my heart. But I don't want to wait. I want to find It now!

I just want to find my dear It.

But not to worry, finding It has not fully consumed my life. In fact, I'm still enjoying my life, rather guiltless too. I've seen some feverishly looking for It. And then there are some who refuse to admit they've lost It, sometimes claiming to have It when they don't. But sometimes, they just don't know they don't have It. What they actually have is something that's pretending to be It. And then, there are some who sacrifice the joys of life to keep It around. Let's also not forget about those who always have It. You know, the ones It seems to be attracted to. Or the one's who inherited It. Some aren't bother to find It and that depresses me.  My favorite people though are the ones who have worked so hard at finding It and have gained It's respect and maybe befriended It. Befriended It to the point that It will reveal itself to another if they asked. I like to be one of them. It deals with everyone differently.

I will never miss the opportunity to grab It if It is around. But for now, while It hides from me, I will look up and have the North Star guide me. You know, so I'm not lost in a random alley It has led me to.

"It, don't get too comfortable. I will have you."

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